Gospel Parenting

A conviction of mine is that I should not be raising my children to be the best little moralists they can be. I think we very well may be born with the tendancy to think that we earn the approval of those in authority over us (parents, God, etc.) by being "good." Further, I think this is at odds with the way we truly find favor with God according to the Bible.



My question is, "How do I raise my children so that their mind is not bent on being moral in order to earn my favor and God's favor, but they know of my favor and God's favor that is simply given to them? How do I help them have a gospel mindset? Can I help them base their behavior on the relationship God has granted (or hopefully will grant) to them rather than behave thinking they are earning a relationship with Him?"



I can do any number of things in order to reinforce the "religious" mindset that makes them little moralists trying to make me love them. For instance, I could act as if I didn't love them when they misbehave. I could let my 3 year old's responsibility chart get filled up without any comments and probing questions which make sure he knows this does not make me love him more but that I already love him really big.



So, the question I try to put before myself each day in parenting for the glory of God, in trying to raise gospel embracing children is, "What can I do to properly convey the good news of the grace of God to my children?" Here are a few things:



1. Embrace the gospel myself. I need to probe the depths of the gospel myself, each day, to fight my own religious tendencies (I mean those propensities I have to think of myself as meriting God's gifts or my faith).



2. Being sensitive to situations/circumstances that could lead my children to think they are earning love, and explaining why it is not so.



3. Intentionally reinforce the truth that God's love can never be any greater for us, and nothing we do can every make us purer and more loveable than what we have already through Jesus' righteousness given freely to us. I find that asking a question like, "Do you think I will love you more if you are obedient?" is a good way to find out what my children are thinking in a situation. I also try to pray with them when they sin, helping them ask God for forgiveness and thanking Him for it. This would be a good opportunity to ask, "do you think God stopped loving you when you sinned?"



4. Spurgeon urged parents to teach their children first to trust in God, and secondarily to love Him. The reason being that loving him carries with it the idea of "doing something" to earn God's love, whereas trusting God (having faith in God) makes Christ the center and Giver to the undeserving.



I'm no expert on parenting, but I find guidance in the Word. I don't think I've ever come to a parenting situation needing some help and found no answer when I ask, "Is there a parallel parenting situation between our Heavenly Father and his children in the Bible, and how does He handle the situation?"



What are your thoughts? Have you found other ways to parent by the gospel? Soon I hope to write some on missional parenting (parenting to give our children the mindset of a missionary).